Operation Pot Points: Drug dealers must get stoned

Marijuana confiscated in Penitas, Texas, had an interesting message written on some of the packages: “Obama-USA.”

Not so fast reader/narc, you’ll have to roll back Operation Thunder Thighs for a moment here. The idea that Obama had drugs shipped to him from Mexico, with his name written on them, is flimsy. Sure, he inhaled in the past, but that’s not the point.

The Penitas police chief believes that the dealers are “trying to mock the president’s effort to fight drugs.” It makes you wonder how certain drug dealers may try to mock University police.

If you’ve haven’t been in a finals and Red Bull-induced coma for the last few weeks, you’ve probably heard of “Operation Thunder Strike.”

This was the name given to the mass arrests last week that were a result of an eight-month undercover investigation cracking down on the “Mary Jane” or whatever you kids call it, and other drugs.

There were 25 people arrested, 21 of whom were students at the University. The charges covered everything from misdemeanor cannabis possessions to felony charges for the alleged sale of controlled substances.

University police nabbed 180 grams of cannabis, drug paraphernalia, “cocaine residue, Xanax pills … $3,100 cash, two vehicles, three flat-screen televisions and two laptops,” according to a report in The Daily Illini.

Police said that they wouldn’t stand by idly while drugs are being trafficked on this campus. According to them, it’s “contrary to what the mission of what the academic institution is.”

That’s true.

And now that the department has finished the operation, the new information may lead to putting the kibosh on the campus drug trade.

Not so true.

It was reported that the police would not address rumors about the undercover operation, such as whether officers were stealthily going around campus as delivery men. But it was confirmed that undercover tactics were used.

I’m going on a limb here, but this may have something to do with the random 217 area code text messages that certain people, including myself, received earlier this semester. The texts in question said that the sender had some “flame a** bud, the best on campus” and asked whether I or any of my friends needed any.

This is not an argument about whether pot should be legalized or a comparison of the effects of pot smoking and alcohol. The question is whether these drug raids will change anything. I mean, it was a two-semester operation, the drug kingpins everywhere should be quaking in fear, right?

If you ask any student on campus, chances are that they’ll agree that in fewer than three phone calls people can obtain marijuana. And it’s common knowledge that certain smells emanate from certain rooms in certain apartment buildings on a regular basis, certain incriminating photographs exist on Facebook, certain statuses and even wall posts blatantly discuss certain illegal activities. What about the certain campus residence halls known for being a haven for drug dealing and use?

If officials really wanted to eliminate the use of drugs like pot on campus, the red flags are waving wildly and there are people out there ready to become narcs and rat out those who are high.

But then again, we’re simultaneously waging a war against the rampant spread of underage drinking, and police officers are scouring the neighborhoods looking for young kids who may be tipsy. Yet still, the giant red X on Green Street and the 10-plus bars on campus fail to garner attention.

University police have said that they’ve made their “point,” and that point is that there’s a zero-tolerance policy for drug dealing on campus.

Zero-tolerance for drug dealing. Maybe someone’s missing the point.

5.7.09

Why I’ll never write a graduation speech/farewell column

“Thank you Chancellor, it is truly an honor to speak to (dramatic pause) the University of Illinois Class of 2009 (applause).”

Since I’ve been at the Daily Illini for 2.5 years I feel as though it’s necessary to write a self-congratulatory farewell column. Now is the perfect time to pen this, since for the last two weeks in print I was “Sunjay” and the chances of a three-peat error are slim.

While there is still another week of publication left this semester, the next Friday edition is the first day of Finals Week. So, in the interest of having people read this story, I thought I’d jump the gun and publish today.

For some of you, my departure from the newspaper is probably the best news The Daily Illini has ever reported (but yet you still read on). This very second, some are just finding out that I write for the newspaper (friends/everyone else). A small population, coincidentally with a similar genetic makeup to mine, is holding back tears. And then there are those gifted crossword-ers who are just making a pit stop on this page en route to the Friday puzzle.

Being a columnist has been more than just ignoring lectures while on a mission to scribble 650 words and Googling my name when alone with my laptop.

And while on that topic of Googling, NASA’s Sujay Kumar is still the number one hit. I’m the first hit … on the second page, but that might because of my association with Chuck Norris. On the bright side, in the last four years I have edged out a 2004 Marine Corps Marathon page featuring Sujay “the real Mr. Dependable” Kumar who held the title of top hit when I was graduating high school.

Being a columnist is about making a name for yourself. And since I haven’t done that, people have done that for me.

I’ll be leaving the DI having being appointed (and this is a mash-up of some of the best ones): “a fear-mongering underachieving Indian and an incredibly liberal hack with more ego than intelligence and a willful ignorance and premeditated malice to advance a political agenda.”

So I guess to a certain extent I am hated, but any good relationship has its ups and downs. You “enemies” know who you are; the comments section just wouldn’t be the same without you. And then there was either a professor in the Statistics department or Chuck Norris who put my column on a transparency and made fun of me in front of her class — the details on that are a bit hazy.

But in the end, this “try-not-to-sound-pretentious” speech is really just ending up a self-indulgent goodbye.

I’ve tried to avoid shout-outs as long as I’ve been a columnist, but since this is labeled as my last column, I thought I’d give in and make you guys happy.

But before doing so, as any awful graduation speech would say, “As we stand on the precipice of change and in this end a new beginning, uhh, begins,” and since it’s difficult to find the right words for a moment like this, I’d like to plagiarize a thank you note I wrote a for a blog about a year ago:

“Anyway, of course I’d like to thank … anyone who takes the time to read what I write. This one’s for my family, my friends, my editors, and the die-hards that still (not applicable to this column).

“If you’ve read this far, the expectations I had for the size of my readership have been exceeded, and for that, I thank you.”

Thanks for reading.

(Shout-outs edited out for confidentiality purposes)

5.1.09

Obama cannot shake hands with a clenched fist or our enemies

The threat alert for our great nation has been red for the past week. Not literally red per se, since according to the Homeland Security Advisory System our current level is an “elevated” yellow, signally only a significant risk of terrorist attack.

But that system is flawed. It doesn’t calculate the exponential increase in probability of a terrorist attack when the catalyst for said terrorist attack is an elected official of the United States of America who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Now that I’ve had a week to let things simmer, we can have a rational discussion about the international incident that occurred at the Summit of the Americas last Friday.

The incident in question was, when at the meeting in Trinidad and Tobago, President Barack Hussein Obama was photographed smiling and shaking hands with evil Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Chavez has been known for being a prime candidate for the position of emperor, if there ever were an election, for an Anti-America Galactic Empire. His resume includes calling President Dubya the devil and, as recently as last month, calling Obama an ignoramus.

It would be an egregious understatement to say that Obama’s jovial attitude toward an enemy is irresponsible. Republican Sen. John Ensign said just that in reference to the repercussions that Obama’s act may have on the diabolical schemes of other anti-American leaders in the world.

Dick Cheney, a veritable Darth Vader, reasoned that Obama’s friendliness to Chavez will lead to the emergence of anti-American “foes” motivated by the apparent weakness of the President of the United States.

Cheney went on to state that the reverberations of Obama’s “cozying up” to Chavez will lead millions of South Americans to have the wrong impression of the standard that this administration has set when dealing with the region.

The ex-vice president believes that the leader of the free world has to be strong and that it is “disturbing“ that Obama is apologizing “profusely” wherever he goes.

Before we allow the President to defend himself, it would benefit us to take a quick look at the evolution of the menacing handshake.

Handshaking began sometime after the development of hands to communicate a camaraderie between two people. The next stage of experimental shaking was pioneered by Will Smith and Jazz in “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.”

But then an evil shift occurred and tainted handshakes by making them an integral part of back alley drug deals and scenes in movies where bad guys agree to do bad things with other bad guys.

The President seems to have a warped view of handshakes: “It’s unlikely that as a consequence of me shaking hands or having polite conversation with Mr. Chavez that we are endangering the strategic interests of the United States.”
This fluffy “we can all be friends” attitude seems to stem from the relationship Obama has forged with his Portuguese water dog Bo.

But the violation of integrity far transgressed the realm of handshakes. Chavez gifted Obama a copy of “Open Veins of Latin America,” a book about American Imperialism.

In response to this, Obama said that it was a “nice gesture” to give him a book, and that he’s a “reader.”

This sort of realist naivete and optimism that foreign policy involves not only military intervention but humanitarian gestures and diplomatic courtesy, seems to be typical for Obama as he heads into his 100th day as President.

Long gone is the age when our nation refused to deal with rogue regimes in fear of legitimizing their practices and we could look an enemy in the eye and say, “You’re either with us or against us. But don’t shake our hand because you’re against us.”

4.24.09